I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
