I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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