so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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