Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
