My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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