so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
