omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize