his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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