On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
