I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
