Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize