On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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