Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
