sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
