Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
