So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
