he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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