I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
