Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Holy sore nipples Batman
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
