so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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