Well apparently he's into motor boating.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
