is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize