seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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