The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize