normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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