you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
