Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He felt like a one man threesome
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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