I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
