Duck Duck Cougar?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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