girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
my poor anus
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
