That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
