I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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