You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
