Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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