I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize