Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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