It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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