We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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