The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
did i walk over a car last night?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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