So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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