have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
