I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
