discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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