I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
