I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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