he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
