I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
