So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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