Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
