smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
