I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
