this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
