Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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