I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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