We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize