I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
