We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
