You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
