I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
