need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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