We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
