Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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