I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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