she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My penis needs a shock collar
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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