Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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