everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
